[He closes his eyes. Breathes slowly in, then slowly out. When he opens them again, the anxiety that seized his body is gone. His shoulders relax, and his grip loosens. Hans looks up at this man who's somehow remained so pure in spite of the world, at the earnest expression he's wearing now.
With a smile as light as a summer breeze, Hans kisses Edmond - a gentle acceptance, sweet and slow.]
... then I will be your fellow fool.
[Again, with that intimate "you."]
I love you, as dearly as the doe loves the morning's dewdrops, as dearly as the swallow loves the blue sky. I love you, because it comes as naturally to me as my words. No matter how far you may be from me, or who you become, my heart will remain steadfast.
[He towards him, just so their shoulders may touch.]
For you are the only man who's accepted me for who I am, odd and broken as I was.
[he feels like the world is suspended, waiting for Hans to reply. waiting for him to accept this as the truth it is. and it comes with the grace of a kiss, words spoken in kind that are too sweet to be real. words that he's craved hearing but never voiced the desire for. they uplift him, and he wears the joy he feels openly.
when he speaks, it's still hushed, but that close du still remains.]
You were never broken. You are beautiful, exactly as you were made, and as you were always meant to be.
If I were perfect, I would not have fallen in love with you, Edmond. I would've remained a simple peasant boy, mending shoes in the countryside. You cannot deny this.
[not to the rest of the world, he may not be. they didn't need that. but to him, Hans is perfect in all his imperfections, in his sharp tongue and his temper and his stumbling over his own feet trying to be impressive, in his laugh and his smile and the way his voice says Edmond's name.]
All I ever desire from you is that you are yourself, and that you're here next to me.
[Perfect is what he has to be. Aristocracy didn't take kindly to outsiders butting in. The moment he stepped foot in Copenhagen, Hans knew he'd spend the rest of his life performing.
But Edmond... Edmond, with his sweeping gestures and starry eyes, with a sincerity unmatched by anyone he's met before, he lifts the yoke from Hans's shoulders and still smiles at what he sees. The realization turns his face bright red, and he blurts out before he loses his courage:]
I'll stay with you tonight. In your room.
[He averts his eyes.]
Close to you, I mean. If you really feel so strongly towards me.
[the words register, and Edmond looks down at where their legs touch, trying to find a way to articulate how hearing that makes him feel, before he settles on.]
Yes, yes, I do.
[excellent job.]
I wouldn't mind that at all. I mean, you're welcome to do so....I mean, please do.
[save him, please, from the catastrophe that is his own mind faced with a situation he didn't prepare for.]
Well, you don't have to put it that way! [SQUAWKED WHILE BLUSHING A FURIOUS RED. Hans springs to his feet.] How you're saying it sounds awfully suspicious! Who talks like that?!
You're the one going on about being a light sleeper and making this out as if the fate of the world rested on this when the answer is yes, it's been yes since before you asked, and I would treasure the experience of you sleeping beside me!
[ohhhhhhh my god. another breath, and he rearranges his head]
...you're taking this too seriously, Hans. Just...yes. I'd like for you to stay the night before you have to go.
[it becomes blindingly obvious in that moment, and was rather a thing he was trying to ignore, actually, but now he's flushed with embarrassment.]
That's not - I wasn't trying to imply anything by what I said, I only meant exactly what I said because I wasn't trying to make you nervous by saying anything else, and it's not as though - well, actually, it is as though - but that wasn't what we were discussing, we were...you asked to sleep in my bed, and that's what it is.
[if God is merciful, he'll send something to distract them utterly from the mess Edmond is making of everything. now it's all completely awkward, and Hans won't want to sleep next to him at all.]
Edmond, I get it. You're a Catholic. Just-- you don't have to explain yourself.
[Never mind the fact that the mere idea of sleeping with Edmond makes Hans dizzy. Is it literal or metaphorical right now? Hell if he knows, he feels completely out of his element here! He's never gotten this far with anyone before!
[him being Catholic has nothing to do with this - in fact, he tries to leave God out of the equation as much as he can around Hans. it would only complicate things more than they are, try to make him feel guilty for having an honest love as he did. generally, he took certain things more loosely than a priest would appreciate.]
I was thinking of two different things at the same time.
[his voice somewhat trails off, because he's lost track of where this conversation is supposed to be going.]
[An awkward silence nestles between them. Hans looks about the room, as if he can find something to help him. There isn't a way out -- only forward. He dug this hole. He can climb out of it.]
... um.
[Hans shifts his weight from one leg to the other.]
I don't want to pressure you. I wouldn't blame you if my rotten mouth soured you towards me, either. All I want to know is... [Just say it.] ... do you want to know me more intimately?
the only icon that works for dantes's massive bi feelings
[Hans asks, and Edmond looks up from where he's sitting on the bed, cheeks still pink as he takes a breath, looks away, and looks back. something in him seems to be fighting, until it's over and he lets out a certain bit of tension.]
...yes.
[there, he's said it out loud.]
But never would I ever want to pressure you. I swear, I would never lay my hands on you in a way you did not wish - if you want to forget I said anything, I'll speak no more.
[The knot in Hans's stomach undoes itself and it becomes easier to breathe, to focus on his companion before him. When Edmond finishes speaking, Hans kneels before him to take his hands.]
I know you would never harm me. I feel the safest with you. No one else.
[For no one else looked after Hans with such attention and care.]
These hands of yours... I trust them as if they were my own. If you wish to know me...
[Steady now, don't let your embarrassment take over.]
[the endearment strikes him, hits where his tension lies, saying it's alright. his feelings not rejected out of hand, but trusted, and his mouth feels dry for it. no, he'd never harm Hans - not by any choice.
he gently squeezes Hans's hands, so that his own might not shake with the mix of things he feels right now. his excitement and his affection run up against his nerves, and it's quite the combination.]
[he...sort of knows how to do this. except his experience is mostly that of being with a woman, and even then it was fumbling and nothing to be really proud of. with men his experience is even more lacking, never really venturing too far. but he can try for Hans's sake, pretend he has a little more bravado than he feels.
gently, he tugs on Hans's hands, trying to pull him up out of kneeling and closer.]
Just...go with your impulses.
[whatever he wanted to do, he should do it - that was the only way to learn. and it might give Edmond a little more leeway in pretending he had a much better idea of what was happening than he did.]
[Hans begins to get up when he hears Edmond's advice. He purses his lips and gives him a flat look.]
Impulses? [Before he can stop himself, his sarcasm pops off.] It's not like I'm a dog in heat, you know. These sort of things don't come naturally to me. I'm... you know I'm a virgin.
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inkwreaths2019-08-07 11:11 pm
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With a smile as light as a summer breeze, Hans kisses Edmond - a gentle acceptance, sweet and slow.]
... then I will be your fellow fool.
[Again, with that intimate "you."]
I love you, as dearly as the doe loves the morning's dewdrops, as dearly as the swallow loves the blue sky. I love you, because it comes as naturally to me as my words. No matter how far you may be from me, or who you become, my heart will remain steadfast.
[He towards him, just so their shoulders may touch.]
For you are the only man who's accepted me for who I am, odd and broken as I was.
no subject
when he speaks, it's still hushed, but that close du still remains.]
You were never broken. You are beautiful, exactly as you were made, and as you were always meant to be.
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If I were perfect, I would not have fallen in love with you, Edmond. I would've remained a simple peasant boy, mending shoes in the countryside. You cannot deny this.
no subject
[not to the rest of the world, he may not be. they didn't need that. but to him, Hans is perfect in all his imperfections, in his sharp tongue and his temper and his stumbling over his own feet trying to be impressive, in his laugh and his smile and the way his voice says Edmond's name.]
All I ever desire from you is that you are yourself, and that you're here next to me.
no subject
But Edmond... Edmond, with his sweeping gestures and starry eyes, with a sincerity unmatched by anyone he's met before, he lifts the yoke from Hans's shoulders and still smiles at what he sees. The realization turns his face bright red, and he blurts out before he loses his courage:]
I'll stay with you tonight. In your room.
[He averts his eyes.]
Close to you, I mean. If you really feel so strongly towards me.
no subject
Yes, yes, I do.
[excellent job.]
I wouldn't mind that at all. I mean, you're welcome to do so....I mean, please do.
[save him, please, from the catastrophe that is his own mind faced with a situation he didn't prepare for.]
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So... [Hans clears his throat, but his voice cracks a little when he continues.] ... it's fine if I...
[FUCK]
... sleep in your bed...?
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Of course it is. You...I'd be honored.
[that's the best he can do.]
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[Say it.]
--I'm a light sleeper.
[NAILED IT.]
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Then...I'll be as careful as I can. Not to wake you up in the night. It'd be a shame if you weren't well rested.
[they're going to die in this room.]
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Well, you don't have to put it that way! [SQUAWKED WHILE BLUSHING A FURIOUS RED. Hans springs to his feet.] How you're saying it sounds awfully suspicious! Who talks like that?!
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[guess who's also going to blush now.]
You're the one going on about being a light sleeper and making this out as if the fate of the world rested on this when the answer is yes, it's been yes since before you asked, and I would treasure the experience of you sleeping beside me!
[ohhhhhhh my god. another breath, and he rearranges his head]
...you're taking this too seriously, Hans. Just...yes. I'd like for you to stay the night before you have to go.
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[Christ. He buries his face in his hands.]
Edmond... sometimes I wonder just how dense you are.
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[free them both from this miserable torment.]
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How on earth did you court that girl.
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That's not - I wasn't trying to imply anything by what I said, I only meant exactly what I said because I wasn't trying to make you nervous by saying anything else, and it's not as though - well, actually, it is as though - but that wasn't what we were discussing, we were...you asked to sleep in my bed, and that's what it is.
[if God is merciful, he'll send something to distract them utterly from the mess Edmond is making of everything. now it's all completely awkward, and Hans won't want to sleep next to him at all.]
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[Never mind the fact that the mere idea of sleeping with Edmond makes Hans dizzy. Is it literal or metaphorical right now? Hell if he knows, he feels completely out of his element here! He's never gotten this far with anyone before!
Hans finally lifts his head up.]
We were thinking of different things, that's all.
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[him being Catholic has nothing to do with this - in fact, he tries to leave God out of the equation as much as he can around Hans. it would only complicate things more than they are, try to make him feel guilty for having an honest love as he did. generally, he took certain things more loosely than a priest would appreciate.]
I was thinking of two different things at the same time.
[his voice somewhat trails off, because he's lost track of where this conversation is supposed to be going.]
no subject
... um.
[Hans shifts his weight from one leg to the other.]
I don't want to pressure you. I wouldn't blame you if my rotten mouth soured you towards me, either. All I want to know is... [Just say it.] ... do you want to know me more intimately?
the only icon that works for dantes's massive bi feelings
...yes.
[there, he's said it out loud.]
But never would I ever want to pressure you. I swear, I would never lay my hands on you in a way you did not wish - if you want to forget I said anything, I'll speak no more.
he's having a lot of feelings rn
I know you would never harm me. I feel the safest with you. No one else.
[For no one else looked after Hans with such attention and care.]
These hands of yours... I trust them as if they were my own. If you wish to know me...
[Steady now, don't let your embarrassment take over.]
... you have my permission, mon cher.
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he gently squeezes Hans's hands, so that his own might not shake with the mix of things he feels right now. his excitement and his affection run up against his nerves, and it's quite the combination.]
If you wish to do the same...I am yours.
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...
[It's so easy to play the role of the charming romantic but beyond that? Off the script? Hans flounders.]
I don't know how to do this.
[A muttered admission.]
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gently, he tugs on Hans's hands, trying to pull him up out of kneeling and closer.]
Just...go with your impulses.
[whatever he wanted to do, he should do it - that was the only way to learn. and it might give Edmond a little more leeway in pretending he had a much better idea of what was happening than he did.]
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Impulses? [Before he can stop himself, his sarcasm pops off.] It's not like I'm a dog in heat, you know. These sort of things don't come naturally to me. I'm... you know I'm a virgin.
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