inkwreaths | it was trapped between two lungs

it was trapped between two lungs

[There was a method to the nightmares. First: Hod, empty and still. The sound of his feet reverberating like echoed whispers in his ears, the shortness of his breath as he ran. No matter how far he ran or where he turned, only dead stone was there to greet him. Mary, his parents, the servants-- he had to find them even though every inch of him wanted to flee.

At some point the stone becomes white, the skies become clear. And he remembers just who it was he was searching for, and when he reaches out towards that figure standing atop the ruins--

It's a good thing he doesn't scream when he wakes up.

His throat feels dry. The sheets are tangled around him, his hand raised as if trying to grab onto something. Guy stares, breathing heavily before he sits up. He runs his hands over his face and tries to remind himself that he's here, right now, in this moment and place.

Ha. Not like this was his planet or his universe, for that matter.

Guy feels woozy. Sick. He closes his eyes and hunches over.]

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Then tell me.

[It comes out without thought but she doesn't take it back now that she's said it.]

You're right. We don't know what relationship, if any, the you here and Luke had. So you shouldn't impose on him and I know, I know, you won't. [Is this what it's like for Jude when he looks at her? To hold back all of the things he wants to say and to see her face when something slips out? They don't belong to each other. Neither will Luke and Guy. She understands painfully well and yet...

Her fingers curl tighter around the cup.]

So please tell me about them. Someone needs to know. I-I don't... [What is she supposed to say? Milla glances down.] Well of course I'm not going to be stupid and say we're friends or anything like that! Definitely not close enough for you to want to say those things. But, I think... for the sake of what's gone, someone should know. A-And I thought maybe... I'd be good enough for that.

... so you see it that way, huh...

[Guy understands that Milla has some issues regarding her place here. Another Milla, not the one that they want-- not the one that Jude wants. Having never met the "original," he can't say much about her. But it's never mattered to him. Comparing this Milla to that other Milla had never crossed his mind, because the two would be equal human beings. Should be treated as such.

The 'should be's never helped the hurt, though. That, he knew as well.]

... I really was ready to wait for him. No matter how long it took. Even if I was an old man by the time he came back, at least I would've been able to see him one last time. For all of us, being able to see Luke smile one more time would've been enough.

You'd... really wait forever for him...

[She can't even imagine that level of devotion to someone else. The awkward feelings she has towards Ludger, the need to protect Elle, in a second they seem so small compared to the idea of eternal devotion. It actually hurts.

And the person he's really waiting for won't come back. Great, now she's the one who wants to cry. But if he can take care of this Luke, she thinks he'll be okay. Maybe it's just a guess but he's strong enough to do it.]

You promised him. Did he promise you, too? [Oh, now she remembers.] But... when we met, you were looking for him. Waiting's rough, huh?

It's fine. [He's always known. It's just that he's chosen to overlook it all this time for the sake of everyone, most of all himself.]

As long as he's alive in some way, I'll be glad.

You really are strong, huh? Then I'll renew my promise. As... Milla, I promise you I'll bring you two together. I aim for tomorrow but if not tomorrow, then I'll always keep looking with you. No matter what.

Hey, don't cut yourself short. You're no pushover either. Despite all the trouble I've caused you, you've gone completely out of your way to help me. I'm grateful to you.

Trouble? You? [But she smiles, looking down at her tea. She worries sometimes she's using him as a convenient purpose but she really does want to be his friend. Hopefully she's not being too pushy about it.] Well... You're just like me. What kind of person could abandon you anyway? I'm not heartless.

[That gets a small laugh from him.] Yeah, your heart is one of the brightest things about you. I don't have any doubts about that.

Wh...

[Milla freezes, staring at him as she gradually turns entirely red.]

What...?! N-No, no, I-! D-Don't use those kind of-! I'm, you see, I- S...Someone...

[And then she kicks him under the table.]

[PAINED AND TERRIFIED SCREAMING AS HE SCOOTS BACK.]

H-Hey! Calm down! I didn't mean it as an insult--!

I know you didn't but it was such a-!!

[She doesn't know why she wanted to hear that from Ludger instead but it makes her even more upset.]

Look just don't say those pick-up lines to me! I don't like you like that!

Whoa, whoa, is that what you thought of it as? [This is the sort of reaction some of the maids had back when he complimented them too...]

I'm not trying to pull anything. It was just the first thing that I thought up of.

....Do girls hit you a lot or think you're coming on to them? Because I can tell you that's how you come off. Like a smooth playboy.

I've been called that a lot. [Hold on, that sounds like an admission.] I'm nothing like that. Isn't it a good thing if it makes someone smile?

[That was an admission.] That's all fine and dandy but how many times has some girl asked you out after hearing a bunch of those lines? Men, honestly. Don't lead us on!

You're misunderstanding me... [The asking out thing, though. He can't. Really deny...] It's not on purpose!

Not on purpose, huh? Shouldn't you be just a teensy bit more thoughtful with your words? You're lucky I'm so understanding.

Ha ha, you're right. You've been a good friend up until now, after all.

Right. We're friends... right? No matter what happens.

Exactly. [If he could, he'd reach over to pat her on the shoulder. But as it stood...]

I'm glad I ran into you, Milla.

Really? I still- [If Guy hadn't met her, he probably would have died without knowing anything was wrong. Is that better or worse? He lost his friends but he might meet at least one of them again. But he might not know him and it's still not his friend the way this Muzet isn't her sister.

She didn't destroy that world but she feels guilty enough to have done it. And she knows Guy won't forgive Ludger for it but sometimes she's glad he isn't mad at her, too. Is that really a good friend?]

I'm sorry I made things so complicated, that's all. I'll keep doing my best to make them better for you, Guy. And, oh, that's right. Thank you for treating Elle kindly. I know she's a girl and a little bratty but she means well.

No, you were doing what you thought was right.

[It's begun to sink in that this world isn't his, that it never will be his, and that the home he regained will never be seen again. It's almost as if the universe was trying to sweep him back into the grave he should've taken on his fifth birthday, yet he was still here. Living, somehow. Breathing. It hurt like hell to do so right now, but it's better than not feeling that pain.

For his friends--for Jade and Natalia, Tear and Anise, for Luke, too--he has to continue living. Otherwise, their existences might be for naught. Even if he feels like shit right now, he'll pull himself out.

Hell, it's better that he met Milla this way than any other way.]

In any case, kids can't help what their parents did. It wouldn't be fair to punish them for something they had no say in.

[She doesn't have to imagine what he's going through. It's not unlike what she went through. For her, seeing this world, knowing that it would have been better if she failed in her mission in order to let this world happen, that she could have had her loving sister after all-

Everything is her fault in a way. And Guy didn't deserve this to happen.]

I get the feeling Elle was pushed around by her previous father. Ludger might not be the best but I know he's trying for her.

[Though she knows Guy doesn't want to hear about Ludger, so she moves on to an idea she had.] ...Anyway, you know, Leia's been talking about doing her reporter thing and I wasn't really paying attention but she said something that stuck out to me. She said someone should write down what the fractured worlds were like. If you ever want to, you should let me know. [And Luke here, he'd know the language, right?] Or Luke if that's easier.

[He tenses visibly at the mention of Ludger, though he doesn't say anything to interrupt her.

A record, huh?]

... I think I'll be able to write well enough by the time we get Luke back. [His hopes aren't the highest at this point, though he refuses to abandon them.] Ha, I'm not the best for these sorts of projects. If it was Jade, I'm sure he'd have stories to tell you.

Well, you're the record we have. It's really important you know. They told me how these worlds form. It's supposed to be the catalyst's ideal world or something like that. It forms around them. So I guess that was what Lorelei wanted, the world you had. And if Luke and Lorelei are so tied together, you have to write it all down.

[She smiles.] I bet this Luke would love to hear about it, too. The world Lorelei created.

[Being the sole survivor held great responsibility. He understood that. But as the survivor of an entire world? Could he do that role enough justice?

Well, it's not like he has much choice in the matter. And if he could share that with this Lorelei-- this Luke--

Guy leans back, rubbing the back of his neck.]

You're right. He never was the sort who liked missing out on a good story. It wouldn't do any harm to try.

[Milla brightens up. That's right. This way he has a lot of goals, right? Learning the language, finding Luke, writing everything down... That should be enough for now but she had to keep thinking. Thinking of ways to keep him going kept her going, too.]

That's right! It's your duty. And I want to read it, too. I didn't get to learn enough while I was there. So there you have it. Knock my socks off, Guy!

[The worst of the nightmares have passed by now. He'd been forcing cheerfulness earlier, but the chill's gone now. All there is now is a deep sense of gratitude. They were both adrift, survivors from their lost worlds. It made the situation a little less lonely.]

You're sure setting the bar high. All right, all right. I'll write something worth reading, I promise.

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it was trapped between two lungs

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