[Seki was not the sort of person to want attachments. She wasn't, either. And their relationship was built precariously built upon that understanding. They filled up each other's time and boredom, but they should never touch the other's heart. Don't get close. Don't become together. They're two loners that shared a space, and nothing more.

If getting too close meant Seki might push her away instead, she was perfectly willing to walk along that lie, not daring to do more than poke it. She'll admit at least to herself that she was a lost cause. She liked being around him, and she wanted to be around him. She doesn't need to glance at him to know exactly how he's sitting. The way he'll hunch over his bowl, the way he holds his chopsticks and the way he reaches for the glass of water. She remembered those things easily, so she didn't need to see him to know. She didn't, but she liked seeing it, and she can't find herself upset at the fact that she'd gone and done it. Done fucked up and gotten attached.

She thinks if she ends up hurt or dying because of this relationship, it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe that would be amusing. But Seki should never know. Even the ache in her chest as she thinks about all that they could never be is a tiny proof that she was alive, right?

She takes a breath.]

Yeah, but -- don't you think it would be fun? There's nothing to lose, anyway. Nothing at stake. Nothing to fulfill... so finding one? Just for yourself, so nobody can take it away. Nothing can take it away.

Or I think about it sometimes, anyway.