inkwreaths | AU; ain't no rest for the wicked

[All he's asked from life was something easy, something he can write off with apathy. He'll slip into a peaceful, boring death, and no one will remember him. But it's moments like these: how his eyes slide to the edge of his vision to watch Monica's movements, how his ears relax to the easy pace of her words, the warm atmosphere within the restaurant--

Ah, who knows how our lives will turn out. Let's just try to stay as good friends as possible.

--and for some reason, it stings when she says she has nothing to lose. What the hell? That's the arrangement they chose. Why was he hoping she'd say something else?]

There's no reason to make our lives any more difficult. Any moron would know that. [Stay alone, be safe. Yet he remembers what that boy so long ago said: Seki, aren't you lonely being by yourself all the time?]

Who cares if it's unfulfilled? It's not like we've got anything to fulfill.

Edited 2014-12-31 03:09 (UTC)

[Seki was not the sort of person to want attachments. She wasn't, either. And their relationship was built precariously built upon that understanding. They filled up each other's time and boredom, but they should never touch the other's heart. Don't get close. Don't become together. They're two loners that shared a space, and nothing more.

If getting too close meant Seki might push her away instead, she was perfectly willing to walk along that lie, not daring to do more than poke it. She'll admit at least to herself that she was a lost cause. She liked being around him, and she wanted to be around him. She doesn't need to glance at him to know exactly how he's sitting. The way he'll hunch over his bowl, the way he holds his chopsticks and the way he reaches for the glass of water. She remembered those things easily, so she didn't need to see him to know. She didn't, but she liked seeing it, and she can't find herself upset at the fact that she'd gone and done it. Done fucked up and gotten attached.

She thinks if she ends up hurt or dying because of this relationship, it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe that would be amusing. But Seki should never know. Even the ache in her chest as she thinks about all that they could never be is a tiny proof that she was alive, right?

She takes a breath.]

Yeah, but -- don't you think it would be fun? There's nothing to lose, anyway. Nothing at stake. Nothing to fulfill... so finding one? Just for yourself, so nobody can take it away. Nothing can take it away.

Or I think about it sometimes, anyway.

[He hated hoping. He hated wanting. His desires flickered as brightly as the fires he feared, and he understood that reaching for them would result in being burned. Wasn't it better to snuff it out altogether? Wasn't that what they agreed on? Why, then, was she trying to stoke it like this?

Seki can't look at Monica. Doesn't have to look at her to know the expression on her face, or to see the nervousness twined throughout her. The rough wood of the chopsticks press uncomfortably against his fingers as his grip tightens. He can't let himself be tricked again into opening his heart. He's learned his lesson and doesn't need to go through that shit twice.

Instead, he says:]

I'll take you back home. [Clumsy words fall out of his mouth, without any thought. Just a steady rush in an effort to find some steady ground.] You're so easygoing, someone's going to take advantage of you one day. Don't talk like that. Of course I don't think about it.

[All the times he's waited to catch that glimpse of gold--]

I don't get you, sometimes.

As if you ever.

[She laughs, snickering at the man sitting next to her and slurping more of her ramen. Silly Seki, letting her throw him around like that. For all that he said he didn't care, he really was bad at actually not caring. Loser. He's just as likely to get taken advantage of as she is.

Although, that's part of what she likes about him, too.]

I'm not that easygoing.

[His ego is knocked down one peg by her laughter. His brow furrows in irritation.]

Are too.

[Which is to say: she's right. He quickly slurps up the rest of his ramen, deliberately making as much noise as he can. Look at how fast he's finishing!!]

You're going to choke.

[She won't save you if you do! She shakes her head with another laugh and sips her water.]

Don't worry, Seki. I'm not gonna get myself killed.

[All right, that really does make him choke a little. His voice is hoarse, but indignant as he pounds his fist against his chest.]

Don't say stuff like that out of nowhere!

[Oh my god why are you choking she was warning you not to choke. She startles and drops her chopsticks and grabs a glass of water to shove at him.]

Why are you so startled by that!

[GIVE HIM A MOMENT HE'LL RECOVER after he tsuns a bit.]

Lay off me! I need some air, here!

[WOW she was trying to help]

Go outside in the wind then!

[>:( then stop making him feel things!!]

You kidding me? [POUNDS HIS CHEST A FEW MORE TIMES FOR GOOD MEASURE.] It's as cold as a wet titty outside!

Edited 2015-01-27 07:18 (UTC)

A wet titty.

It sure as hell isn't a hot titty.

That analogy doesn't even make sense.

[Slowly pushes his noodle bowl away...]

You're just sore I didn't take your advice.

Mm.

[She leans in to peer at him.] No longer choking?

[He doesn't lean away. Having her close up is actually reassuring.]

Yeah, I'm still alive. [He yanks on a strand of her hair.] I've had enough of your crazy talk. I'm taking you home.

[She smiles when he doesn't. And at his answer, though she pulls her hair out of his grip while sticking out her tongue.]

You always drive me home. So protective!

[Ignoring how cute she's being right now as he pushes in his chair...]

It's not safe for girls to walk home by themselves. [How dare you imply he's deeply invested in your well-being Monica?? In any case, he's going to be holding open the door for her.]

You read into everything too much.

[The problem with Seki isn't even that he cares for Monica Campanella. It's that he cares at all. Does he plan to drive every girl he talks to home? And open doors for them? She'd like to think he won't. It'll be safer for him that way, because girls betray men. But Monica doesn't intend to betray him. Which means he could be used against her, too.

Ah. They're both fucked, she thinks as she ducks through the doorway with a smile.]

A girl can dream, can't she? You're too greasy to be a prince charming, anyway. [There's more truth to that statement than they should ever acknowledge.]

[For some reason, hearing that stings a bit.] Hey, you're no prize either.

[It's a weak retort, and he's aware of it. Seki understands how pathetic he is: a high school dropout with no goals, no dreams. Just some low-class trash trying to scrape together a living. What was he doing around a girl like Monica? What did she see in him to let him hang around her in the first place?

Thinking about it throws his thoughts into a bad place, so he'll shake them off. It's too much trouble to think about now. He has to get Monica home, first.]

Besides, the whole idea of prince charming's a shallow lie.

[Monica didn't even go to high school. Anybody who lives around here's a dreamless piece of absolutely nothing, worthless and forgotten by the world around them. Any namecalling between them is akin to the bantering between a pot and kettle. With the same smile she called him greasy with, she raises a hand to his cheek and pats it almost kindly.]

No prince charming's gonna come here to pick up his princess, Seki. He'll get robbed. [But the flash of gentleness is gone and she grins fully now, turning and bouncing over to his bike.]

[Contact from Monica's about as familiar as the dirty streets they lived in. It's accepted with a grunt, but nothing more. When she turns he pats the cheek she touched, his other hand fishing through his pockets for the keys.

Another day done. Another meal shared. That was all they could ask for. He settles him down on the seat, making room for her to sit behind him as usual. The bike rumbles as he turns its engine to life.]

Exactly. We don't need one. [People like them don't deserve one, in the end.] Hold on tight.

[She waits until he's seated to climb on. She used to try not to think about how familiar the motion is, how easy it is to find just the right height to wrap her arms around him, the exact place to settle her cheek against his back. But now she doesn't bother with that resistance. She accepts, and resigns to it. These are the moments she can indulge herself with.]

I'm holding.

[Her presence is a warm shield against the biting cold. There's few things Seki appreciates in this life. He'd never admit it, but Monica is one of them. Something as simple as having someone by your side to keep the wind off your back: it's more valuable than people would think.

The bike growls as it cuts through the crowded streets, with Seki honking his horn every now and then to scare off any lollygags. He hardly has to think to steer. The route home is something he's memorized by now, and he pulls up at Monica's place without any problems.

He doesn't bother to kick down the brake when he stops the bike.]

... here we are.

AU; ain't no rest for the wicked

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