but you are far too beautiful to love me.

[daedalos]

Comments

[manlet]

Edmond... [The smart thing to do would be to move on. An author lives entirely at the whim of his readers. What sort of stability can he give to Edmond, aside from chaining him to the shore? But when he kisses Hans so tenderly - when he leans close to him like this, beneath the light of the stars - he can pretend for a moment that everything will be okay. Hans lets out his breath.] ... if you think about it, then we're technically engaged to one another. [Ridiculous, considering how they're both men. But--] Aren't we?

[ressusciter]

...it is rather like that sort of promise.

[the smile can be heard in his voice, the sweet little spark of joy he feels, and he'll take this metaphor and run with it for a little while.]

That would make me like your bride, waiting for you to return to me so we might join hands and start our life together. If you'd consent to have me.

[manlet]

Shouldn't I be the bride? [Edmond, with the rough hands of an experienced sailor, who's as clever as he is strong, with a head for navigating the seas and business - he's the sort of husband women would fight over. Hans can't see him playing the part of the bride.] Ask anyone, they'll say you're the masculine one. I'm the one weeping over poems.

[ressusciter]

I'll be the one waiting faithfully for your return, fending off matches if they come, holding your letters as I fall asleep. You shall make me pine, Hans, as surely as those who see their beloved go off to war and wait to welcome them back.

[he reaches to tilt Hans's face up to see his.]

Will you discredit me so if I know myself enough to say that of us, I'm more suited to that role?

[manlet]

[Oh. He can't help how red his cheeks turn, though he doesn't look away.] ... it will be the same on my end. [Hans murmurs it.] Each time you sail away, I worry for your return. I obsess over you. if I cannot see you. I've the right to the title too.

[ressusciter]

Then once you return, you may always sail by my side. Your worries will be laid to rest, your obsession soothed - and where we go can inspire your pen to works that the world will be helplessly in love with. [his thumb strokes over Hans's cheekbone, sincerity in his eyes.] We can argue over who holds what title then to our hearts' content.

[manlet]

[That ends their silly little argument, then. Hans closes his eyes to better enjoy that gentle touch.] Oh, it won't be much of an argument. [He leans in to close the space between them, his mouth an inch away from Edmond's.] We all know I'd be more beautiful in a dress than you.

[ressusciter]

That sounds like a challenge, mon cher. [the French is only in private, a declaration of his heart.] Do you wish me to wear a dress and prove you wrong?

[manlet]

[The use of his pet name makes the fondness in his heart buzz.]

I am the naive beast the Collins plucked from the countryside, with a maiden's innocence and a man's mind. I think those attributes make me far more appealing in a dress than a roguish sailor who draws the eyes of both stranger and friend.

[ressusciter]

[he laughs, eyes bright with delight. ]

I yield. No dress shall grace my form unless you change your mind. But your appeal is unchanged and undimmed regardless of your attire.

[and so close, it is impossible to resist kissing him now, his eyes closing. every time they kiss, he wants to do nothing else ever - such is his heart.]

[manlet]

[If Edmond hadn't initiated, Hans would've. He cups his lover's face as he welcomes the kiss. The warmth in his chest flutters, and when there's a chance for him to speak up--]

It's peculiar for an Adonis to chase such a wretched creature. And so brazenly, at that. [He grins.] What if someone were to see you claiming your prey?

[ressusciter]

Then they can keep their opinions to themselves, for my heart rests where it does, and I would challenge any to speak ill of him who I am so fond of. For he is not my prey, but my equal, whom I lay myself bare to that he might know my sincerity and choose how to respond. Adonis you might name me, but I have no wish for the affections of the divine - only a wish for yours.

[sometimes he knows he's laying it on thick, but it's who they are. theatrics are yet another language they speak, vaulting ideas back and forth to see how far they'd go.]

[manlet]

[Dramatics suit Hans perfectly, who's always dreamed of the stage. And what better stage to perform than with Edmond? He gazes into those golden eyes while his own crinkle with happiness.]

Ah, but there's no reason for you to pine for my affections when you've already commanded it. This heart of mine is fully yours, Edmond. Nothing -- not even God or time -- can change that.

[ressusciter]

As you have mine. So I shall faithfully wait for you until you return to me, and write often to fill the space between.

[there's nothing but fond warmth in his expression, and he leans up to kiss Hans on the forehead. alone, he can be freely indulgent in his physical affection, close and content for it. the time will pass swiftly enough, if he makes his plans come to fruition - ways for them to be free of their families and live in no less comfort for it.]

[manlet]

[This is what love should be: promises beneath the stars, without any family politics or scheming. Hans doesn't know how he'll survive the next few months without Edmond. Even if he writes, it won't be the same. He closes his eyes.] Will you be traveling while I'm away?

[ressusciter]

No. I'll remain in Copenhagen - anything I need to do can be conducted through letters, or is already in motion. Unless you write and beg me to visit you at school, I will stand still for a while. [it'll be easier for letters, and it'll mean that he knows where Edmond is. it's not a great hardship for him to endure, and it means that when he returns, he knows that he'll be ready for him.]

[manlet]

Still, it's a great sacrifice, especially from a man of the sea. [He knows how much Edmond enjoys traveling.]

[ressusciter]

Not one that will break me.

[he laughs, and glances up to the sky.]

None of this will leave if I spend a while on the shore.

[manlet]

[He drops his hands, so he can rest them on Edmond's arms.] What did I do to deserve a man like you? Sometimes, I wish-- [He catches himself. Hesitates, before rushing his words:] --I wish I was a woman instead.

[ressusciter]

[his eyes widen in surprise as he looks back to Hans, before they soften. that...speaks to his heart in some ways, and the expression in his eyes is gentler.] If you were a woman, I wouldn't be allowed to bring you onboard my boat, much less at night. [but then they could court openly, and he could ask the Collins what they wished for in terms of marriage, and...] ...It would all happen over again, if you weren't in this shape. Man or woman, it is you whom I adore.

[manlet]

[Each moment of affection feels like a scrap to Hans' starving appetite. The times their hands have brushed over each other; the looks they shared; the way Hans has to be oh-so-careful to keep the joy from his voice when he talks about his "dear friend." He wants to hold Edmond's hand; wants to kiss his cheek before his family; wants to speak freely of his adoration without hesitation. And-- to hear Edmond affirm those feelings makes his heart flutter.] Bah, you'll have no trouble convincing the world you're a paramour. You speak with such earnestness... it's enough to make a cynic like me dissolve into a helpless romantic. [Hans moves away so he can pick up his journal and lantern. Turns to Edmond, the smile on his face illuminated by the flickering candlelight.] It's cold out here. I think I've had my fill of stars for tonight.

[ressusciter]

[the wind is picking up a little bit, it's true, and it isn't summer, when it'd be bearable. but the look on Edmond's face, while still a smile, looks slightly more somber.]

It's warmer where I am, if you come closer.

[he's not quite ready to bring them back to shore, is what he means. if Hans is done being out here, it doesn't mean they have to go, but...]

[manlet]

[He hears what Edmond doesn't say, and extends his hand.] I'm cold, is all. I couldn't leave you behind so soon.

[ressusciter]

[taking his hand, he'll follow behind then into the warmth of below deck, where the lights are lower save in individual rooms. the night cradles the ship, makes it a cocoon away from the rest of the world, and Edmond pauses at the door to his own quarters.]

Are you tired?

[he's not. he doesn't have to be, if Hans would prefer to sit up and talk instead.]

[manlet]

[Hans runs his free hand through his hair and sighs.] Even if I was, I don't think I could sleep. [Why would he want to, when the morning promised nothing but a bitter parting? His eyes flicker to Edmond's face, then the door, but the question he wants to ask is lodged in his throat. Tries to cover up his moment of weakness by grumbling:] I'm still too cold.