inkwreaths | AU; ain't no rest for the wicked

[Seki lets out a huge sigh, rolls his eyes at her just to show that he really does find her jabs at him insufferable. He eases himself onto one of the rickety chairs.]

You let me drive you all the way here. I'm guessing you're wow'd enough already by me.

[There's a chair right next to him that she slides on to.]

Well, you're right. It's totally romantic to ride on the back of someone's motorcycle. [She grins.] Did I make your heart go doki doki?

[Yes she did just say that]

[oh my god what kind of girl did he pick up]

... you serious? [monica pls]

No.

But I did want to say that at least once to get it out of my system.

I'm never dating you.

[He reaches for a menu. None for you, Monica.]

[You know what ur getting Seki.

A surprised look. And then it turns into looking hurt?! And then sad as she looks away and mumbles.]

I know that.

[spoilers it's an act]

[good because seki masumi is a grade a numero uno douche]

You shouldn't look that way when a guy's paying for your meal. What do you want?

Kiss me.

[They're both douches to each other tho lbr]

You aren't my type, and that isn't on the menu. Pick again.

[Damn. Thrwarted. She sighs loudly and reaches for a menu herself, flipping through it.]

But you're my type, Seki. Sort of.

[That earns a glance from him.]

Dates are nothing but tiring commitments. Girls are tiring. But I guess settling down is okay, once you hit a certain age.

[She turns to blink at him.]

Like getting married? You?

You crazy? That's not what I'm saying at all!

[Can't a guy philosophize aloud in peace???] Do I look like the sort who'd want to get hitched?

That's why I was confused! Choose your words wisely!

You know me well already, why the hell are you surprised... [FIDGET FIDGET] C'mon, pick something to eat already.

Mmmmmm. [She stares at him for a bit before turning to the menu. And pointing to one.] This one.

[He peers over her shoulder to see what she's pointing at. Ah. That's within his budget. He waves the server over to place their orders. His is the same as hers. Once that's done, he leans back.]

I mean-- [wow this kid wasn't done with his external monologue] --a ton of people rush into that sort of stuff because they want security of some sort. Stability and all that shit.

[So philosophical. She will listen as she sips her water.]

A lot of people are scared of being alone, I guess.

[A pause.]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

You think so? I think it's kind of pathetic.

Mm, I guess you'd say that. But, I think I should change how I said it, too.

It's not being alone that's scary. It's being left behind, and becoming alone. [She leans forward to prop her head on her elbows.] People like us who're already alone don't have to be afraid of that.

But if you have someone, and you don't want to lose them, I think that's normal. I think it's what you do to keep from becoming alone then, or what you do once you are, that determines if you're pathetic or not.

[Seki was in agreement with her, but the explanation still makes him press his lips together in an unhappy gesture. It made sense. Once you had a taste of something good, why would you want to go back to a state of when you had nothing?

It made too much sense to him. Maybe that was the cause of his unhappiness. What a hypocrite he was, harping on others like this.

Their orders arrive. Seki breaks his chopsticks.]

What we do, huh? [But having someone hurts. People were nothing but dirty crooks deep down. Himself included. Monica, too.] I'm glad I won't have to make those choices.

[Slowly, slowly he stirs his noodles.]

... I think I'm glad I don't have to choose between things.

[There's that comment, and then a few minutes of silence as Monica stirs her own noodles, then starts slurping up a few mouthfuls. There's clearly a story or explanation behind her statement, but she's taking her sweet time in telling it. It's only after she's taken a sip of her water and wiped her mouth, hands already on her chopsticks again, that she continues.]

I don't really have anything. Nothing I'm obligated to protect, and nothing that I can't stand to lose. So if I have to, I never have to think too hard about what I should cut off to keep going.

[She sighs, though.]

It's easy but unfulfilling, isn't it?

[All he's asked from life was something easy, something he can write off with apathy. He'll slip into a peaceful, boring death, and no one will remember him. But it's moments like these: how his eyes slide to the edge of his vision to watch Monica's movements, how his ears relax to the easy pace of her words, the warm atmosphere within the restaurant--

Ah, who knows how our lives will turn out. Let's just try to stay as good friends as possible.

--and for some reason, it stings when she says she has nothing to lose. What the hell? That's the arrangement they chose. Why was he hoping she'd say something else?]

There's no reason to make our lives any more difficult. Any moron would know that. [Stay alone, be safe. Yet he remembers what that boy so long ago said: Seki, aren't you lonely being by yourself all the time?]

Who cares if it's unfulfilled? It's not like we've got anything to fulfill.

Edited 2014-12-31 03:09 (UTC)

[Seki was not the sort of person to want attachments. She wasn't, either. And their relationship was built precariously built upon that understanding. They filled up each other's time and boredom, but they should never touch the other's heart. Don't get close. Don't become together. They're two loners that shared a space, and nothing more.

If getting too close meant Seki might push her away instead, she was perfectly willing to walk along that lie, not daring to do more than poke it. She'll admit at least to herself that she was a lost cause. She liked being around him, and she wanted to be around him. She doesn't need to glance at him to know exactly how he's sitting. The way he'll hunch over his bowl, the way he holds his chopsticks and the way he reaches for the glass of water. She remembered those things easily, so she didn't need to see him to know. She didn't, but she liked seeing it, and she can't find herself upset at the fact that she'd gone and done it. Done fucked up and gotten attached.

She thinks if she ends up hurt or dying because of this relationship, it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe that would be amusing. But Seki should never know. Even the ache in her chest as she thinks about all that they could never be is a tiny proof that she was alive, right?

She takes a breath.]

Yeah, but -- don't you think it would be fun? There's nothing to lose, anyway. Nothing at stake. Nothing to fulfill... so finding one? Just for yourself, so nobody can take it away. Nothing can take it away.

Or I think about it sometimes, anyway.

[He hated hoping. He hated wanting. His desires flickered as brightly as the fires he feared, and he understood that reaching for them would result in being burned. Wasn't it better to snuff it out altogether? Wasn't that what they agreed on? Why, then, was she trying to stoke it like this?

Seki can't look at Monica. Doesn't have to look at her to know the expression on her face, or to see the nervousness twined throughout her. The rough wood of the chopsticks press uncomfortably against his fingers as his grip tightens. He can't let himself be tricked again into opening his heart. He's learned his lesson and doesn't need to go through that shit twice.

Instead, he says:]

I'll take you back home. [Clumsy words fall out of his mouth, without any thought. Just a steady rush in an effort to find some steady ground.] You're so easygoing, someone's going to take advantage of you one day. Don't talk like that. Of course I don't think about it.

[All the times he's waited to catch that glimpse of gold--]

I don't get you, sometimes.

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